In recent times, it has become more and more apparent how different the world facing me is at the different ends of this scale. I. Like me. the same ideas. The same opinions. The same commitment.
It also pretty much occurred to me how many of us know about this. Because although I, and many with me, may be more fond of our bodies when they are thick than when they are thin, many of us take for granted that others think otherwise. unfounded. The only body he fits in is the perfect society at the moment. The other is inflicted with so much external shame, that it creeps into the soul no matter how hard the fight is.
I see it in others, and I know it myself. It’s hard to motivate myself to face a world that’s bigger than it is small. I have to wear extra layers of mental armor. Get ready for the comments, looks, and subtitles I know are coming. Not letting them charge anything costs something. No nothing. Much. too much.
Since being told as a perfectly normal thin five-year-old that my stomach was too fat, I’ve been surrounded by people who have told me exactly that. Even when I was so skinny that I didn’t get my period. Even when I was training six hours a day. Even when everything in life revolved around being thin.
I’ve never, until now in my life, had a boyfriend who didn’t mean that my body could, should, and should look better.
I was released at the same time I was told what I could do to tighten my butt. I’ve been told my thoughts are likable, but can I please fix a little on the packaging. “I love you, you are perfect, now you have changed.” Relatives, colleagues and distant acquaintances. Everyone has the right to think. they mean.
It’s not that one sentence, or one general comment, is so bad per se. It’s the sum of these tsunamis of a culture that needs a lot to resist. A culture that many of us are trapped in. A culture that absorbs the time and energy we need for completely different things. Because this is just culture. our culture. As an ironic: On a business trip in Sierra Leone nearly 20 years ago and even more kilos ago, I was told to go back when I was older and fatter. Only then can I expect it to be taken seriously.
Is it easier to see the absurdity of our culture if we turn it upside down? Do I want to be part of a society where body size determines how one is treated as a human being?
No, I don’t want that. I still have to live nearly 47 years before I can feel with all my heart that I’m not going to be a part of it anymore. Before I could regain the strength of the definition. What is a good body? Mine.
But did you really do it? I’ve thought of the same thing before. I wrote the same thing before. Then they are arrested. second. and again. A new round of yo-yo weight. A new round with the wrong focus. So what does it take to free myself? Very well!
I don’t know. But I know this: if I go into a room again and feel that I am here and my body unwelcome, as we are now, I will not bother to stay in that room. I strike, here and now, an ideal not mine. And I will do everything in my power not to go back to this unhealthy relationship again.
In a few years I will be ashes. I hope to leave a few people to whom I mean something, a few thoughts and a few words. They are worth my time. A body, regardless of size, should get an insanely big thank you for doing its best to keep the episodes on the roller coaster to life! Sometimes, he might even get a little attention.
In general, everyday life is too crowded with exercise and carrots to move it to the top of the priority list. It is an option that I support. But why do I write it? To whom do I think I respond? The choice and the reasons behind it are so personal that no one has the right to think anything about it. Not about me. Not about anyone else.
Before commenting below here: – But you are very kind, as you are …
Little stop! Is that what we really want to say to each other? How cute are we?
There is something powerful and beautiful about being accepted as you are. It certainly is. But is not meeting each other behind the body stronger:
– What you’re talking about here is interesting.
– I recognize myself in this or not.
– Do you want to know what I’m thinking?
Can we shift our focus there? together? From body to mind? From looks to action? From body cleansing in the summer to mental cleansing in the spring?
We have a planet to save. Some wars stopped. A sea of social inequality for equality. An entire industry of digital imperialists has to be regulated by law. Life is too short to live with the brain on fire.
Perhaps that is what I should have written about here, not this. But I need to think out loud about this really unimportant thing, too.
Want to help create a space where all bodies are equally welcome? The room where content matters more than packaging? Where is the body a tool and the mind a temple? I think it’s a growing room for everyone who asks for it to exist. And it’s a really nice room to hang out in! At least that’s what I want it to be.
If I wrote it on Facebook, would it be true then?
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